Bank on it…
I excelled in school until about the 3rd quarter of my 7th grade year. It was then I met my lifelong nemesis and sworn enemy- ALGEBRA! Well, pre-algebra to be exact. It whooped my ass, and did so royally for the next 5 years. I eeked a passing grade out of pre-algebra… emerged from algebra 1 and 2 with an amazingly dismal perception of myself. Geometry and Pre-cal finished me off with a one-two punch. The only claim to fame I have with regards to math is that I found my way to a position in life where I can pawn off the counting, numbers and complex equations to someone else while I bask in the ignorance of my mathematical ineptitude.
Needless to say, the many quoted stats, numbers and projections spewed during the current political campaign may as well have been voiced in Sanskrit. Yes… its utterly confusing and foreign. As I’ve watched the debates, commercials and stump speeches over the last few months, I can often be heard shouting at the television “JUST SAY IT IN ENGLISH”. But no one has heard my plea… until now.
Mitt Romney urged us in the debates to go to his site where his 5-point plan to improve the economy and simplify the tax code is spelled out in easy to read, simple and concise language. So I did. And now like Paul on the road to Damascus… I see the LIGHT!!!
Click here to see for yourself: ROMNEYTAXPLAN.com
Took!
TAKEN, the 2008 action film starring Liam Neeson took audiences by surprise. Neeson literally tore Paris apart in an effort to rescue his abducted teenage daughter. Possessing a “set of unique skills” that could only have been gleaned over a career as a super-secret C.I.A. operative, Neeson’s Brian Mills character took a group of seedy underworld, black-market dealing, sex slave wrangling, shit-talking Albanians to task!
Imagine my delight when I learned that a sequel was coming out which promised to be as exciting and as invigorating as the first.
It was not.
In fact, it was no where near. Taken 2 is a classic example of ‘can’t leave well-enough alone’. It’s like one of those SNL skits that starts out with a hilarious montage of people being punched to an infectious electro-pop music beat, that then dissolves into an unpredictable and unnecessary dance scene with zombies! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!?!
I honestly believe that Taken 2 was actually a secret government plot to lure unsuspecting test subjects to the theater under the guise of watching a blockbuster action flick, when in secret there was actually some hypnotic or mind-controlling mechanism secretly embedded in the flickering images of the film reel, that will one day be activated by some sort of auditory or visual trigger unbeknownst to us all. We’ve been covertly converted into rogue agents of mayhem and destruction.
Sadly, if this hypothesis was in fact true, it would make the money spent on tickets to see Taken 2, worth it!
Let’s Get It on…
This year’s BET Hip Hop Awards has been overshadowed by yet another fight (or two) between grown ass, rich dudes with a point to prove about their manhood. This time it was Jezzy and Rick Ross. Last year it was Diddy and Kenny Burns. The year before that Waka Flocka and a BET exec… It goes on and on.
The UFC has made a gazillion dollars off of dudes beating the crap out of each other with a very neat and organized marketing machine behind it. They are currently gearing up for UFC 153 which features one of my favorite MMA stars, Anderson Silva. But 153 marks the actual 153rd UFC battale royale which makes it easy to keep up with how many of these highly lucrative brawls the brand has produced.
That got me to thinking… what if the BET Hip Hop Awards, which have been held in Atlanta for the last 7 years did the same thing. I mean, you already KNOW there’s going to be a fight. Year after year, rapper clique after rapper clique gets involved with a war of words which escalates to shoving, to brawling to well, you know. So why not just grease these dudes up and put them in the ring! Think of how much money THAT would make! I can see it now, BETHHA 7: JEEZY vs. RICK ROSS or BETHHA8: TUPAC’s HOLOGRAM vs. What’s Left of Soulja Boy’s career…
Look at it this way, with the two artists facing off head to head in the ring we can potentially avoid the skirmishes and melees that ensue when over eager crew members start throwing bottles and pulling out pistols – actually, that probably wouldn’t change anything.
SMH
O… That’s funny…
She’s gone from poor southern girl to determined journalist to actress to talk show host to media mogul to now… comedienne!
Not since Dave Chappelle’s “Oprah’s Pregnant skit” have we considered Oprah in such a comedic sense. But the iconic O recently showed her funny bone in a sketch with late night talk show host Jimmy Kimmel that should not be missed.
The two bantered about the challenges of populating a television network with substantive content before Kimmel showed “behind the scenes footage” of his pitch-meeting with Oprah. With ideas like Oprah herself repossessing her popular giveaways affectionately known as “Oprah’s Favorite Things” or the riotous “Book Club Fight Club”, I think OWN would definitely attract the 19-30 year old male demographic with ease!
We may not see Oprah headline the next “Queens of Comedy Tour” but we may just find her chillin’ in a Juicy Couture, hot pink velour sweatsuit in the front row clowning it up with Shaq and Kevin Hart. #MAYBE?
HEROES
In 2011, playwright Howard L. Craft premiered the Jade City Chronicles at Little Green Pig Theatre in Durham, NC. It was a smart, funny and complex play about the life and struggles of a super hero. But not just any super hero, this was Herald M.F. Jones, the super spectacular bad ass protector of Jade City.
The play was a huge success and received rave reviews throughout N.C.’c arts community. Frank Stasio, a producer for NPR on North Carolina Public radio attended the show and later contacted Craft about adapting the work to a radio serial format. Herald M.F. Jones ended up not not only saving the day, but making history as well by becoming the first African American superhero serial in radio history!!!
I recently caught up with Howard L. Craft, writer and creator of Herald M.F. Jones and the Jade City crew to talk about the project, how it came about and what’s coming up next… take a listen:
The Jade City Pharaoh is in the final days of a fundraising effort to generate the capital to continue producing the show and you can support! Log on to: www.kickstarter.com/profile/jadecity, and make a pledge today. You can also tune in to episodes of The Jade City Pharaoh and listen online at http://jadecity.webs.com/episodes.htm
Herald M.F. Jones is a bad muthaf……
Baby Blues…
Rumors of a fake pregnancy scandal have hounded Jay and Beyonce Z since shortly after they appeared on the VMA red carpet in August 2011. Reportedly glowing and showing off her baby bump, the joy was SQUISHED out of the pop diva’s fans’ collective coos when B appeared on an Australian tabloid show a few weeks later and seemingly forgot she was wearing a fake pregnancy prosthetic… I, mean… squished her baby… I mean… What the hell? See the photo after the break… Rumors flew from here to Sydney about whether the Z’s were using a surrogate and just simply toying with fans’ trust and expectations.
Things that make you go... Hellllll naw!
The drama continues after an appearance at Jay Z’s Carnegie Hall performance on Feb 6, 2012 at which Beyonce showed no signs of baby weight anywhere on her body. Experts have come forth to claim that with this being her first baby, her youth- and the fact that she never had a baby (oops-did I say that out loud?) have allowed her to have a rapid snap back to her performance bod. (I’m making the face again) 😐
Look, in all seriousness, I could care less what she does, but it is a bit odd to lie about things. Many women have surrogates, in fact they’re currently outsourcing wombs in India right now! Some women do it for health reasons and some for vanity. After all, money can buy you any and everything! I mean, I get it… B makes her living on her voice as well as her looks. If she can afford to have someone have her baby, she keeps her body and keeps the dollars coming in… who am I to hate? But damn, you don’t gotta lie to kick it Craig! #ImJustSayin
Short month, Long Legacy
Its BLACK HISTORY MONTH… our favorite time of year when we get to learn of all the great contributions made to society by any body other than pilgrims, American Revolutionaries and Ronald Reagan!
Yes, its true. Black people are responsible for just as much cool shit as anybody else, and if you keep your eyes, ears and calendars open this month you can learn all types of fun things! I know some people like to protest the fact that BHM lands in February, the shortest and arguably most misleading -spelling to pronuniciation- month in the year. But don’t get it twisted, its not some secret plot to undermine African American contributions to society. February was chosen by Carter G. Woodson because two of Black America’s heroes were both born in February- Frederick Douglass and the undisputed champ for black people’s rights…(ahem) Abraham Lincoln. Ok, Brother Woodson was stretching a bit on that last one, but hey that was like 400 years ago (or something).
Anyway, we take our Black History seriously at The 15 Project, because let’s be honest, as a black artist… there is a lot of work around this time of year. I ain’t tripping. After all February + income tax time is like an annual economic bailout for a brother who kinda went H.A.M. on some after Christmas sales (you’re welcome Capital One).
Anyway, there is lots of information you can fill your head with this month that’s sure to make you the center of attention at all the cocktail parties and Cultural Center soirees you’ll be invited to over the next 28 days. Plus, with this being a leap year, you get one whole extra day to do something EXTRA BLACK like; go to a baptist church, buy something from West End or Greenbriar Mall, eat at a Soul Food Restaurant or my personal favorite – watch the PBS rebroadcast of Roots!
But seriously though, whatever you do this month, remember that Black History is more than Martin Luther King, Jr. and the Civil Rights movement. Black History is not just past, but also present and future. Ask the elders in your family to tell your THEIR stories. Fix something that you see is broken in your community. Do something selfless. But most of all move in excellence, you never know who’s watching!
HAPPY BLACK HISTORY MONTH
Keeping it REAL?
So, does it bother anyone else that shows like the REAL HOUSEWIVES of ATLANTA feature no actual housewives or even more… NOTHING REAL? Whatever happened to reality shows that featured reality? Oh that’s right, those have never existed!
I, like most, enjoy a good healthy dose of the idiot box. But I can not suspend my disbelief enough to take most of this gruel we are to consider as good television entertainment. Case in point is the rumored addition of Keisha Knight Pulliam as a new personality on the RHOA. First of all, let me say, I adore KNP. I’ve loved her cuteness since The Last Dragon… enjoyed her precociousness as Rudy Huxtable on The Cosby Show and have even panted a few times at the gah-gah-gorgeous woman she is today! But how does she fit into a show about Real Housewives, when she’s uhhhhh NEVER BEEN MARRIED?!? Somebody got some ‘splainin’ to do.
Maybe the real reason for my confusion and disdain for this news is that, frankly I’m a bit disappointed. I HATE RHOA and all the fuss made over the ridiculous drama that is the show. Honestly I don’t get the draw. But Keisha, really? Is this the best we can do? I’ve heard about your cameos in Tyler Pery films and t.v. shows… ok, I get it. Get your money. But, reality t.v.? Your fans deserve better… YOU deserve better.
Maybe the rumors aren’t true, but if they are and if this is the path you choose… do us all a favor. Don’t go the way of Flava Flav!!! PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZ!
Fine and Dandy
What began as a small photography exhibit as a part of an installation within Harlem’s Society HAE‘s headquarters has become a bonafied art world phenomenon. The exhibition titled Dandy Lion: Articulating a Re(de)fined Black Masculine Identity looks at the mash up between traditional African fashion sensibilities and European style aesthetics.
The original exhibit is conceived and curated by Shantrelle P. Lewis in conjunction with Society HAE. Lewis, who curates exhibitions for New York’s Caribbean Cultural Center and African Diasporan Institute (CCCADI), expanded the project with a national call for photographic works that fall within the the conceptual scope of the exhibition. Empowered with a broad and exceptional response to the project, Shantrelle secured dates at several museums and institutions throughout the U.S. for Dandy Lion to travel.
A “dandy” is described as “a man who affects extreme elegance in clothes and manners”. The images in the exhibit feature a juxtaposition of urban black men whose clean and creative fashions stand out against the backdrop of sagging jeans, baseball caps and big t-shirts. “Noticeably different from his historical minstrel or Harlem Renaissance queer prototype, the 21st Century Dandy Lion is more masculine than metro-sexual, more of an expression of the African aesthetic and mode of swagger than an imitation of European high-brow society”, says Lewis’s curatorial statement. The contemporary dandy’s style, or “swagger” engages both African aesthetics and elements of classical European fashion. The exhibit features works by 20 emerging photographers and filmmakers all presenting refreshing images of young black men whose looks challenge popular conceptions of black masculinity.
The exhibit which may soon be produced as a full-color catalogue has traveled to to Amsterdam, the Museum of Contemporary African Diasporan Art (MoCADA) in Brooklyn, as well as recently to Newark’s Aljira, A Center for Contemporary Art,. Dandy Lion runs January 29 – May 13, 2012, 2012 at The Reginald F. Lewis Museum of Maryland African American History & Culture in Baltimore.
Featured Artists
Hanif Abdur-Rahim
Kwesi Abbensetts
Laylah Amatullah Barrayn
Kia Chenelle
Bouba Dola
Delphine Fawundu-Buford
Russsell K. Frederick
Cassi Amanda Gibson
Akintola Hanif
Jamala Johns
Caroline W. Kaminju
Phillis Kwentoh
Jati Lindsay
Lafotographeuse (née Amanda Adams-Louis)
Ray Llanos
Devin Mays
Terence Nance
Brandi Pettijohn
Radcliffe Roye
Nyugen E. Smith
Black Gold
George Lucas (Image courtesy of TvOvermind.com)
The success of the new film Red Tails is undeniable. Despite tepid (at best) reviews, the film finished a strong second at 19.1 million in its opening weekend. Theatres were sold out of every show and the internet was abuzz with chatter about why the black community had to go out and support this film. Most of this support, was fueled by George Lucas’ appearances in various media outlets urging black audiences to support the film to combat the racist underpinnings in Hollywood. Lucas suggested that by driving up box office sales for Red Tails the black community would send a resounding message to Hollywood that we wanted to see more black films on the big screen.
George Lucas who was reported to have invested 50+million of his own money in producing the film, claimed that for 20 years, he faced rejection from Hollywood studio execs that did not believe a big-budget film featuring a black cast would be commercially successful. Despite obvious truths in regards to the marginalization of black films, in my humble opinion, this was a clever and clearly effective marketing strategy that was overwhelmingly successful.
By galvanizing black audiences through tapping into the obvious frustrations at the lack of diversity in Hollywood, he created a wave- no a tsunami of support ensuring that the film, which the San Francisco Chronicle says “…Tuskegee Airmen deserve better”, be successful at the box office. Lucas made the black community believe that supporting “Red Tails” was in the best interest of the black community without providing tangible examples as to how. I believe that in all fairness and in an effort to avoid the dangers and exploitive potentials of this marketing strategy, that demands should be made of George Lucas to reciprocate the support afforded him, by reinvesting in programs that nurture aspiring and emerging African American filmmakers.
As such, I have created a petition which demands that fifteen percent of proceeds from box office sales be donated to HBCU’s which offer radio/film/television studies as a way of providing the type of resources and support the black community needs to see more Blacks competing with and within Hollywood.
Please support Red Tails if you choose, and in doing so ask that the black community be supported in return.
Off the EDGE
LIFT (Photo by Lynne Cymone)
You’ll be moved (pun intended), the week of Jan 23-29 as Atlanta’s Rialto Center for the Performing Arts teams up with art world rebels Lauri Stallings (gloATL) and Paul Boshears (continent) to present the Off the EDGE.
Off the Edge is a weeklong survey of contemporary, movement based art. The event is jam packed with exciting mind (and body)-bending performances from an international roster of experimental dance companies, theatrical productions and visual artists. Experience the work of one of America’s most acclaimed choreographers,Lar Lubovitch. Keigwin + Co. is known for their interactive theatrical performances which creates opportunities for the viewers themselves to get involved. Even local groups of national renown such as LIFT, Kennesaw State University Dance Company and Emory Dance will take the stage. And of course it would not be complete without the complex and always mind-altering presence of gloATL.
Taking up residence at both the Rialto Center for the Performing Arts as well as Occupy Atlanta’s old crib, Woodruff Park, the event promises to deliver upon the theme “the moving of things permits the formation of identities.”
Be sure to download the PDF schedule of all Off The Edge events… And check for a special presentation of work by yours truly Jan 27-28 6-7:30 pm as a part of the Off the Edge Public presentations near the Rialto Center!
HOT FIYAH!
Back in the day, I was known far and wide for chewing up mc’s and spitting them out. Armed with an ample vocabulary, a vivid imagination and a snarky, sarcastic sense of humor, I was no match for most round-the-way rappers. I often reflect victoriously on my untarnished reputation as a freestyle mc, thinking back with pride and curiosity as to the fates of the yokels who’s lives I shattered. I retired undefeated because frankly, with no one to rival my skills- I grew bored.
Consider today’s post as my official “coming out of retirement”. You heard me! I’ve finally met my match! You may have heard of this cat called Chocolate Drop. Word is, he’s been slaying rappers from coast to coast. I figured I had to see who this was and further, if he was better than me in my heyday. Hey, I’ll give him his props, SON is on FIYAH! His ability to string words together and completely humiliate competition is unfathomable. He is all at once combatant & comedian… professor and predator. I respect his skills.
But on my word fam, I’m shutting duke DOWN! You can make cats like T-Pain look simple, sure, but I’m on a whole other level. I live and breathe to devour rappers like Chocolate Drop. So consider the gauntlet – dropped… the juice – loose… the game – on. You don’t wanna bring that weak shit over here Chocolate Drop. I keeps it scratchy. Wool Socks!
Call Don King, Eminem, Terrance J or somebody. Let ’em know there’s about to be a rap battle royale starring me and a has been named Chocolate Drop! I’m gunning for you son!!!!
NO “WEIGH” José
Citing “medical neglect”, authorities in one Colorado county removed (with some degree of effort) a 200+ pound 3rd grader from the care of his mother and put him into a foster home. Yes, he is 8 years old and weighs over 200 pounds! 😐
Authorities say the child first came to the attention of Health and Family services when a little more than a year ago the child’s mother brought him to a doctor for breathing related issues. The child was diagnosed with severe sleep apnea and the mother was instructed to place her child on a diet. Despite a brief drop in weight, the child actually began to re-gain the weight and some. The mother claims his older sibling and friends began sneaking the boy extra food. She claims that she has not been neglectful and wants her son to lose the weight. She is distraught that her son, an honor roll (not that kind of roll) student has been removed from his life and put in foster care.
I’m not going to get on a soapbox here about dieting and health etc. But I must ask the question: What exactly has been done to 1)Curtail the boy’s weight? and 2)At what point was his weight going to be a problem for the mother?
He’s 8 years old and 200+ pounds! The idea of that confounds me. Despite her claims that she in fact has not been negligent, I argue that lifestyle choices and a pattern of unhealthy behavior have led to this point. I keep thinking to my childhood and asking myself ‘where were the obese children when I was a kid?’. Sure, there were some fat kids… but OBESE!?! I can’t recall any 200+ pound children in my class because we were all too busy running and playing outdoors.
Highlight reel…
With mere seconds left in the second half and our church league basketball team up by more than 20 points, my coach decided it was safe for me to get in the game (after all, it was a church league and everyone is supposed to play).
“Fahamu! You’re in at forward” my coach called out.
The entire bench and all of the fans within ear shot gasped. I nervously stood up and jogged over to the judges table. As the buzzer rang out the clock wasn’t the only thing that stopped. You could hear a mouse pissing on cotton as I entered the court. There was a look of disbelief in the eyes of my teammates as well as the players on the other team. I found my place as my teammates prepared to inbound the ball. The buzzer signified the return to action and I found comfort in knowing there were only about 15 more seconds in the game, so the torture would soon be over. Temporarily distracted by my own internal clock counting down, I barely realized the ball was now in play.
“Fahamu!” a teammate yelled.
As I turned in his direction I saw the ball hurtling towards me. My reflexes kicked in just in time and I caught the ball before it hit me in the face… But now what?! Time stood still (at least for me) as I tried desperately to figure out what was happening. Before I could gather myself I realized all 5 of the opposing team’s players were rushing towards me.
“SHOOT IT!” a mysterious voice yelled.
In a panic, I clumsily lobbed the ball in the air towards the basket. The move resembled a drunken Kareen Abdul-Jabar skyhook. Once again a dead silence over took the gymnasium. In slow motion the entire room- filled with coaches, parents, classmates, church mates, players and more- watched the ball float towards the goal until SWIIIIIIIIIIIIISHHHHHHH… NOTHING BUT NET!
The gym erupted in cheers and applause, my team’s bench as well as the bleachers emptied out with everyone running towards me smiling and cheering. Someone grabbed me from behind, lifting me. Soon I was floating over the crowd, slapping hi-fives and receiving all manner of congratulations and praise. As the final time buzzer sounded I realized that I had actually scored in a basketball game! Talk about highlight reel material.
To David Stern and the NBA franchise owners, here’s a suggestion; if the NBA players decide that they don’t want to accept the terms of your agreement, I’d do it for like a fraction of what they get paid. Hey there won’t be much dunking, but it will be entertaining!
HELL to the Chief
Bro President can’t seem to catch a break. Whether Tea-partiers are toting guns to Presidential appearances, being booed by members of Congress during Presidential addresses or being referred to as “Hitler” on national television, Bro. Pres can’t get a break. I mean, I don’t think a public figure has been this disrespected since the days of Rodney Dangerfield.
Recently a van in Obama’s fleet was stolen from a hotel parking lot in Virginia. The vehicle which contained the Official Presidential seal as well as a few thousand dollars worth of media equipment (including Obama’s teleprompter and podium) was later recovered in the parking lot of a different hotel. No details were given as to what if anything was missing or damaged.
I’m personally compelled to say WHAT THE FU(ss)?!!! Who are the President’s security people? It seems that the President’s entire term has been littered with security breaches and too-close-for-comfort and potentially deadly mishaps. The likes we would have NEVER seen during previous administrations. I mean the closest W came to a security breach was at the hands of a single peanut which almost choked him to death.
I know Obama and Michelle read this blog religiously so let me make a suggestion… There are plenty of able-bodied out-of-work mall cops who would take the charge of protecting the POTUS to new levels of scrutinizing security. Or better yet, take cues from hip hop artists who travel with an entourage of “homies from the hood” who are there to hold jewelry, wallets, cell phones etc. Sure, they could find better use of their time. But I guarantee, if something were to pop off, your homies would be quick to raise up and instigate the hell out of a beef. Hey it works for Lil Wayne! I’m just saying…
…AND plus his dancin’!
So like for real, not since Willie Tyler and Lester has a puppet exhibited so much soul (yes, you read correctly… I started this post out talking about Willie Tyler & Lester). But let’s be real there haven’t been too man puppets of the brown persuasion to make it to the big time. So I didn’t really have much else to compare it to. Yes, I am aware that Willie Tyler and Lester are about as cool to bring up in casual conversation as genital warts but give me some slack- I don’t have a lot of material to work with!
Anyhow, apparently there is a great tradition of dancing puppets in Central and South Africa featuring puppeteers who work magic with puppets that do a variety of acrobatic dance moves to popular and traditional African music. It’s really dope to watch.
For serious though, aside from being some damn good puppet work- its some pretty hellafied dancing. I want lessons… and I’m not talking puppetry!
Bound & Gagged
Allegations of sexual misconduct with young male parishioners by Bishop Eddie Long of New Birth church in Atlanta was a media field day last fall. One by one, young men came forth with charging that Long had seduced them with gifts, trips and mostly “fatherly attention”, then taking advantage of their loyalty, pressured them in to sexual (im)positions. Long passionately denied their claims but then quietly settled with 5 young men, paying them cash and imposing a gag order which bound them to never speak about the accusations again.
Well apparently the money was not enough to hush their hurt and shame. A couple of the young men have come forward once again saying that the trauma they’ve suffered can not and will not simply be placated with cash. Jamal Parris and Spencer LeGrande sat down with WSB TV and broke it down, knowing that they might be in violation of the settlement gag order, but claiming that their story needs to be heard, to help others and to help them move on.
The two are penning what’s being described as a detailed tell-all, with what LeGrande describes “ten years of details, each person, it’s gonna be a book full of ‘wow’s’ and ‘ahh’s’ and ‘Oh my God’s.'”
You can bet Hollywood is already calling. There hasn’t been this much buzz on the tube since Dudley got hemmed up in that bike shop on Diff’rent Strokes. I’m sure everyone’s ready to make a movie on this one, from Lifetime to Tyler Perry. Can’t you just see it?
TYLER PERRY presents Tyler Perry in MADEA GOES TO NEWBIRTH!
The harrowing tale of a sassy old grandmother’s wayward grandson who, through the mentorship of his neighborhood pastor, turns his life around only to get turned around (and bent over) by his mentor, pastor and father figure. In the end, Madea, armed with a rolling pin and a bible, must go rescue her grandson and put the smack down on pastor.
All jokes aside, sexual abuse is a serious matter. Many from the beginning felt that the young men were simply after money from Long. No doubt those same people and others will still feel the same way due in part to the fact that these men accepted a settlement, but now seem to be driven by morality to speak out. Yet in speaking out, writing a book etc, they stand to make potentially more than their original settlement. I hope for all involved that justice is served. By justice I mean, that the truths in this tale serve to heal and empower victims of sexual abuse, not simply capitalize on it – or be made to be another media circus. In the end, the true victims of sexual abuse often suffer in silence, their stories, not newsworthy enough, never see the light of day. There are no settlements or book and movie deals, only the trauma of their experience.
WE NEED A PRAYER
Political journalists are having a great time pulling apart the loosely tied pieces that make up presidential hopeful, TX Gov. Rick Perry. At a breakfast junket earlier this week Perry responded to an audience member’s question about global warming as follows:
“I do believe that the issue of global warming has been politicized, I think there are a substantial number of scientists who have manipulated data so that they will have dollars rolling into their projects. I think we’re seeing it almost weekly or even daily, scientists who are coming forward and questioning the original idea that man-made global warming is what is causing the climate to change.”
Perry’s ideas are laughable in the least, especially since there aren’t ANY scientists (ok maybe one quack who’s using a Mr. Wizard chemistry set) who are of Perry’s suggested opinion. In fact, what we are seeing “almost weekly or even daily” is more and more evidence that proves that our global dependency on fossil fuels, industrial waste products and other non-sustaining energy resources are in fact increasing the destruction of our environment at more and more rapid rates. Perry is convinced that climate changes simply occur and that human-kind has done nothing wrong or to cause it.
In fact just earlier this year, as his state of Texas suffered from the worst drought since the Dust Bowl of the 1930s. Governor Rick Perry took dramatic action to save the state from the ravages of a changing climate. He issued a proclaimation for “Days of Prayer for Rain in the State of Texas”. For three days, Perry asked Texas to kneel at the pew, or at the foot of their beds, and silently ask God to bring water to their parched state.
Hmmm… good idea. Please, close your eyes, and bow your heads and join me in prayer;
Dear Lord. Sweet, sweet lord of the land. From tender baby Jesus in a manger to the Jesus with a beard and birkenstocks… From Jesus the carpenter to Jesus who turned water into wine… Surely a Jesus so powerful can save us from the fate of having another Texas governor as President of the United States. Please Jesus who created Easter Eggs and Santa Claus, convince Rick Perry to record a demo and sign to Cash Money Records. Bless his album to go triple platinum so he can get a Bentley and a crib in Miami. Make sure he gets so caught up in sipping Ciroc that he never, ever-ever, ever-ever-ever, considers running for President again.”
Can I get a AMEN?
Haaaaaahahahahaaaahhahahahahahahhahaa
Hahahahahahahah…. chortle *snort *snort LMMFAO LOL BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH heeeee heee heee heeee ROTFL…. LMMBO…. Hahaha Hahahaah… Seriously I was trying to write something but I can’t stop laughing… I gotta get an interview with these cats A.S.A.P.
When Stars Collide
My lady has a theory. When two greats connect, the resulting product is… let’s just say, less than great. I, like you wanted to believe in the magic and wonder of a Jay-Z x Kanye West collaboration. But I’m becoming more and more skeptical. I’ve heard the lead single “Otis” and upon an initial listen, I liked it. It had all the makings of a Kanye classic track. It had energy and it was a refreshing respite from the “All Lil Wayne 24 hr radio stations” (no diss to Wayne, but can you let somebody else get a turn to rap). The next time I heard it, it wasn’t as fresh as I initially thought. Then I saw the video and I began to question my choices in life. You know, stuff like why did I keep looking at the television screen? Or why did I wake up that morning?
The reviews I’ve read have also been mixed. They don’t sound like the musings of critics who are particularly moved by the album, as much as they were hopeful of its potential. A particularly hilarious track-for-track review written by “Ghostface” seems to be the most reliable. Alas, I am a bit gun-shy about buying the album. I want to support–for real. I don’t want to be known as one of those dudes that just complains about how rap music is all shitty, but when something good, different, innovating, challenging or simply creatively distinct comes along, I do nothing. So tell me friends, what do you think I should do? Is it a yay or nay? Cuz frankly I had a vision of it and it’s not pretty…
AMERICA’s Gotta do Betta!
“America’s Got Talent” is a show that proves week after week to have television’s most misleading show title. If America has talent, it’s busy between the hours of 8-10pm on Tuesdays and Thursdays. The following is a list to prove that AGT is not worth the dry ice used in the overused smoke machines employed by the show.
10. Nick Cannon’s wardrobe (actually the more I think about it, Nick’s stylist proves how talent-less America really is )
9. Little kids rapping. Sure they’re cute, but if cuteness was a sole measurement of talent, puppies would win Oscars, Grammys and Nobel Peace Prizes.
8. Weird shit. Your freakishly long fingernails, willingness to stick sharp objects into your eyeballs or your unpopular ability to fart flames is not a talent. You should seek assistance, a hug or a role model.
7. Smoke and mirrors. No amount of lighting or pyrotechnics can make yo-yoing a popular artform again. That shit died in the 1500’s.
6. Sharon Osbourne’s voice. Can we say fingernails on a chalkboard?
5. “Eddie Cain Jr. Syndrome”. Hey I wanted to see crackhead/alcoholic Eddie Cain Jr. revive his career as the soul-stirring lead crooner of The Five Heartbeats more than anyone… but every crackhead/alcoholic in a shiny suit is no Eddie Cain, Jr. and their sob story only makes me gag.
4. Yo-yos and jump rope. At last check, there are no fine art degrees, scientific studies or comprehensive research for these “talents”… therefore in my humble and jaded opinion, they are not talents.
3. Commercial breaks. When your audience looks forward to the commercial breaks and leave the room when your show is on, its time to rethink your program.
2. Suicide rate. The fact that the national suicide ratings peak during your time slot should not be cited or mentioned as a part of your Nielsen ratings reporting.
1. Howie Mandell is a judge. ‘Nuff said.
The “Brojan” Horse
Many suspect that America’s shining knight may have been a double agent after all. In the manner of Sentinel Prime, President Barack Obama appeared to bring new hope to a nation on a 90° incline slide into a fiery hell, while wearing a pair of gasoline soaked, American flag print, bikini briefs. His ideals and charms made us all starry-eyed and optimistic. We cringed a bit at his insistence on bi-partisan politics (particularly after the previous 8 years, where a long, aged and knuckly Republican middle finger stayed lodged in the majority of Americans’ assholes) but we believed him, that vengence would solve nothing.
Imagine our shock however when Mr. Prez began doing the opposite of what he assured us he would NOT do; cuts to social programs that benefit less-fortunate sects of the population, tax breaks to the wealthiest demographics,Etc. Little by little, his bi-partisan tilt seems to lean more and more towards what appears to be a text book conservative agenda. So much so, that some pundits are suggesting Obama may in fact be a sleeper Republican!
But one small fact seems to be overlooked in all of this. The conservative right is so adamant and rage-blinded by their disdain for Obama’s administration that they almost always vote against or present polar opposition to Obama-led initiatives.
I think it may be, for all intents and purposes, an extremely brilliant move on behalf of the Black House to trip the right up into doing the exact things they are fighting against. Kind of like when Bugs Bunny or Daffy Duck trick Elmer Fudd into shooting himself in the face.
Through the in-fighting, ridiculous caricatures, insidious ideaologies, desperate and clumsy attempts to discredit the current administration and lack of a clear and sensible agenda… it may take a lot more than the smoke from the double-barrel shotgun blast to clear before Republicans realize what’s happened. But by then, we should be living well in a globally-sensitive, socially-responsible, culturally-rich country where the dream is no longer “Liberty and justice for all”, the reality is!
Look! In the sky… its InsecureMan!!!!
Okay, I must admit, my new affair with Hulu Is getting pretty hot and heavy. Due in large part to my nothing short of obsessive addiction to a British action/drama called Misfits.
The show is like a cross between “Heroes” and “True Blood”. There area no vampires, Mystic elves or orgy-inducing demons… but there is plenty of cliff-hanging action and mouth-watering mystique!
I stumbled upon the show by accident but I eagerly await my weekly email from Hulu informing me of the latest episode release.
The show is thoughful and presents what I think is a unique take on superhuman abilities. Imagine if you would, your personal idiosyncracies and personality quirks magnified yet beyond your ability to control. Imagine still a world in which thousands of others like you, realize they too have these ungainly powers, yet the suddeness and quirkiness of it all makes everyone all the more insecure and secretive.
All in all, Misfits is a great show, well-written and thoughtful. I look forward to more and to hearing your take on it.
To watch Misfits… log on to Hulu.com and type in “Misfits” in the search bar.
Fresh to Death
Do you remember the episode of Good Times when they all thought Fishbone died? In grief and mourning everyone failed to see him arrive at his own funeral, dressed as his own widow. In a surprise twist he revealed himself and launched into a sermon about how important it is to tell the people you love that you do in fact love them while they are alive as opposed to the dog and pony show many people put on when a person has died.
John Beckwith and his son, John Jr. must have been inspired by that episode when they came up with the concept for the commercial advertising their Golden Gate Funeral Home. Check it out here:
The father and son have taken their program even further with expanded services which include a fleet of luxury funeral vehicles, choreography, and gators to match their branded suits. I’m not clowning but… ok yes I am. WTF?! It’s a funeral, not Showtime at The Apollo!
I know, I know some people get off on showing out for funerals. I guess they figure everyone’s going to be talking, so let’s give’em something to talk about. Well at least the commercial didn’t go like this:
Two young brothers caught up in a a gang shoot out. One of the young brothers gets hit. As he lies mortally wounded in his partner’s arm, he looks into his homeboy’s eyes and with his last breath blurts out, “Make sure they take me to Golden Gate! I wanna look goooood”. Then he dies. In his grief and desperation his homie assures him “Yeah G! Golden Gate Funeral Home… where you’ll be fly to death.”
SHIT! I think I may have just written their next commercial!
The 15 Project 