AMERICA’s Gotta do Betta!
“America’s Got Talent” is a show that proves week after week to have television’s most misleading show title. If America has talent, it’s busy between the hours of 8-10pm on Tuesdays and Thursdays. The following is a list to prove that AGT is not worth the dry ice used in the overused smoke machines employed by the show.
10. Nick Cannon’s wardrobe (actually the more I think about it, Nick’s stylist proves how talent-less America really is )
9. Little kids rapping. Sure they’re cute, but if cuteness was a sole measurement of talent, puppies would win Oscars, Grammys and Nobel Peace Prizes.
8. Weird shit. Your freakishly long fingernails, willingness to stick sharp objects into your eyeballs or your unpopular ability to fart flames is not a talent. You should seek assistance, a hug or a role model.
7. Smoke and mirrors. No amount of lighting or pyrotechnics can make yo-yoing a popular artform again. That shit died in the 1500’s.
6. Sharon Osbourne’s voice. Can we say fingernails on a chalkboard?
5. “Eddie Cain Jr. Syndrome”. Hey I wanted to see crackhead/alcoholic Eddie Cain Jr. revive his career as the soul-stirring lead crooner of The Five Heartbeats more than anyone… but every crackhead/alcoholic in a shiny suit is no Eddie Cain, Jr. and their sob story only makes me gag.
4. Yo-yos and jump rope. At last check, there are no fine art degrees, scientific studies or comprehensive research for these “talents”… therefore in my humble and jaded opinion, they are not talents.
3. Commercial breaks. When your audience looks forward to the commercial breaks and leave the room when your show is on, its time to rethink your program.
2. Suicide rate. The fact that the national suicide ratings peak during your time slot should not be cited or mentioned as a part of your Nielsen ratings reporting.
1. Howie Mandell is a judge. ‘Nuff said.