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Posts tagged “Barack Obama

Bank on it…

I excelled in school until about the 3rd quarter of my 7th grade year. It was then I met my lifelong nemesis and sworn enemy- ALGEBRA! Well, pre-algebra to be exact. It whooped my ass, and did so royally for the next 5 years. I eeked a passing grade out of pre-algebra… emerged from algebra 1 and 2 with an amazingly dismal perception of myself. Geometry and Pre-cal finished me off with a one-two punch. The only claim to fame I have with regards to math is that I found my way to a position in life where I can pawn off the counting, numbers and complex equations to someone else while I bask in the ignorance of my mathematical ineptitude.

Needless to say, the many quoted stats, numbers and projections spewed during the current political campaign may as well have been voiced in Sanskrit. Yes… its utterly confusing and foreign. As I’ve watched the debates, commercials and stump speeches over the last few months, I can often be heard shouting at the television “JUST SAY IT IN ENGLISH”. But no one has heard my plea… until now.

Mitt Romney urged us in the debates to go to his site where his 5-point plan to improve the economy and simplify the tax code is spelled out in easy to read, simple and concise language. So I did. And now like Paul on the road to Damascus… I see the LIGHT!!!

Click here to see for yourself: ROMNEYTAXPLAN.com

 

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Win some… Lose some

For the last 20 hours or so, media outlet’s everywhere have hotly contested whether President Barack Obama or Republican hopeful, Mitt Romney, won last night’s first presidential debate. But the real question lingers on… What the HOLY HELL happened to Al Sharpton???

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My lawd! In real life, he looks like his head has been photoshopped on somebody else’s body! Weight loss be damned… Is he melting? In fact my first thought was that he must be seriously ill. But his clearly cosmetic grill suggests otherwise. His teeth look like muppet teeth! They are so perfectly aligned that if you make a quick glance it’s almost as though he has like one marble tooth that spans his entire upper and lower jaw.

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How anyone can have any conversations today without questioning the good reverend’s dramatic cosmetic alterations escapes me. Let’s see the pundits take this on!


HELL to the Chief

Bro President can’t seem to catch a break. Whether Tea-partiers are toting guns to Presidential appearances, being booed by members of Congress during Presidential addresses or being referred to as “Hitler” on national television, Bro. Pres can’t get a break. I mean, I don’t think a public figure has been this disrespected since the days of Rodney Dangerfield.

Recently a van in Obama’s fleet was stolen from a hotel parking lot in Virginia. The vehicle which contained the Official Presidential seal as well as a few thousand dollars worth of media equipment (including Obama’s teleprompter and podium) was later recovered in the parking lot of a different hotel. No details were given as to what if anything was missing or damaged.

I’m personally compelled to say WHAT THE FU(ss)?!!! Who are the President’s security people? It seems that the President’s entire term has been littered with security breaches and too-close-for-comfort and potentially deadly mishaps. The likes we would have NEVER seen during previous administrations. I mean the closest W came to a security breach was at the hands of a single peanut which almost choked him to death.

I know Obama and Michelle read this blog religiously so let me make a suggestion… There are plenty of able-bodied out-of-work mall cops who would take the charge of protecting the POTUS to new levels of scrutinizing security. Or better yet, take cues from hip hop artists who travel with an entourage of “homies from the hood” who are there to hold jewelry, wallets, cell phones etc. Sure, they could find better use of their time. But I guarantee, if something were to pop off, your homies would be quick to raise up and instigate the hell out of a beef. Hey it works for Lil Wayne! I’m just saying…


The “Brojan” Horse

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Many suspect that America’s shining knight may have been a double agent after all. In the manner of Sentinel Prime, President Barack Obama appeared to bring new hope to a nation on a 90° incline slide into a fiery hell, while wearing a pair of gasoline soaked, American flag print, bikini briefs. His ideals and charms made us all starry-eyed and optimistic. We cringed a bit at his insistence on bi-partisan politics (particularly after the previous 8 years, where  a long, aged and knuckly Republican middle finger stayed lodged in the majority of Americans’ assholes) but we believed him, that vengence would solve nothing.

Imagine our shock however when Mr. Prez began doing the opposite of what he assured us he would NOT do; cuts to social programs that benefit less-fortunate sects of the population, tax breaks to the wealthiest demographics,Etc. Little by little, his bi-partisan tilt  seems to lean more and more towards what appears to be a text book conservative agenda. So much so, that some pundits are suggesting Obama may in fact be a sleeper Republican!

But one small fact seems to be overlooked in all of this. The conservative right is so adamant and rage-blinded by their disdain for Obama’s administration that they almost always vote against or present polar opposition to Obama-led initiatives.

I think it may be, for all intents and purposes, an extremely brilliant move on behalf of the Black House to trip the right up into doing the exact things they are fighting against. Kind of like when Bugs Bunny or Daffy Duck trick Elmer Fudd into shooting himself in the face.

Through the in-fighting, ridiculous caricatures, insidious ideaologies, desperate and clumsy attempts to discredit the current administration and lack of a clear and sensible agenda… it may take a lot more than the smoke from the double-barrel shotgun blast to clear before Republicans realize what’s happened. But by then, we should be living well in a globally-sensitive, socially-responsible, culturally-rich country where the dream is no longer “Liberty and justice for all”, the reality is!