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Took!

TAKEN, the 2008 action film starring Liam Neeson took audiences by surprise. Neeson literally tore Paris apart in an effort to rescue his abducted teenage daughter. Possessing a “set of unique skills” that could only have been gleaned over a career as a super-secret C.I.A. operative, Neeson’s Brian Mills character took a group of seedy underworld, black-market dealing, sex slave wrangling, shit-talking Albanians to task!

Imagine my delight when I learned that a sequel was coming out which promised to be as exciting and as invigorating as the first.

It was not.

In fact, it was no where near. Taken 2 is a classic example of  ‘can’t leave well-enough alone’. It’s like one of those SNL skits that starts out with a hilarious montage of people being punched to an infectious electro-pop music beat, that then dissolves into an unpredictable and unnecessary dance scene with zombies! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!?!

I honestly believe that Taken 2 was actually a secret government plot to lure unsuspecting test subjects to the theater under the guise of watching a blockbuster action flick, when in secret there was actually some hypnotic or mind-controlling mechanism secretly embedded in the flickering images of the film reel, that will one day be activated by some sort of auditory or visual trigger unbeknownst to us all. We’ve been covertly converted into rogue agents of mayhem and destruction.

Sadly, if this hypothesis was in fact true, it would make the money spent on tickets to see Taken 2, worth it!

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