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Because I got high…

True story:

On my first-ever trip to Panama, I traveled with friends from the small village of Portobelo where we were based to the big city– Panama City. There we met up with more friends including a stunning and mysterious young woman who played host to us at the home we were staying in. After a brief introduction, she invited us to meet her later at a house party a friend of hers was throwing. Sure enough, we attended and in true house party fashion the drinks flowed and the “smoke” billowed. I noticed that our host seemed to be always looking at me whenever I looked in her direction. Being the bashful young man I was, I scoffed at the idea that she was staring at me. A few minutes later, I looked her way again and to my surprise, she blew a kiss in my direction and beckoned me to join her at the table where she sat.

I eagerly made my way through the crowd and sat across from her. While we chatted, she  proceeded to roll a blunt of what my ‘novice-smoker-self’ could tell was something special. Soon after, 3 or 4 blunts went around the table  and I happily puffed puffed and passed with everyone else. As the night began to wind down, my travel companions approached me and informed me that it was time for us to head back. I went around the room saying my good-byes, but noticed my mystery lady was no where to be found.

We headed downstairs to find a taxi and to my surprise, Mystery Lady had already procured 2 taxis and was waiting for us to come out. She began directing us, telling my companions to take the first car and asking me–alone–to join her in the second taxi. We both slid in back, but before I could close the door another of the party-goers slid in next to me and his friend got in the front seat of the car. Our taxis began to roll away and my paranoia began to kick in.

I began feeling more and more uneasy, now in the middle in a car with 3 strangers. Their spanish chatter was too fast for me to keep up with. And all at once, everything made sense to me… THEY WERE VAMPIRES! I was convinced that Mystery Lady’s flirtatiousness all evening had merely been a rouse to seduce me and lure me into this trap. I was about to become a succulent meal for these heathenous demons.

I immediately began planning my defense. I would not go out without a fight. I figured if I threw an elbow to the man at my left, I could counter with a left hook taking out the guy in front. I would take my chances one-to-one with the vampress to my right. But as soon as I channeled the courage to launch into my unprovoked attack, a little voice in my head said “YOU’RE TRIPPIN! CALM DOWN FOOL”. It was the first moment that doubt entered and challenged the certainty of my predicament. Breathing deeply, I sat on my hands to keep me from attacking while I thought this thing through. As I began to calm down slightly, I noticed our car slowing. It was then too that I noticed the car which contained my friends was no longer in front of us and further, that we were not even on a main road. The dust clouds and absence of street lights informed me that we had turned off onto some back woods road and no longer safe within the visibility of an urban city center.

MY HEART FELL TO MY SOCKS.

All my strength, courage and resolve dissipated like the smoke of a tightly rolled joint. Certainly death was upon me.

“Mucho gusto…” said the dude to my left as he extended his right hand, palm opened, with a bright smile on his face.

“HUH” I managed to stammer.

Puzzled, he said again, “ahhh, Mucho gusto. Disfruta su tiempo en Panama”

“Oh, uh thanks. I mean, gracias” I managed to say as I noticed my forehead was damp with sweat.

He and his friend’s puzzled looks told me all I needed to know about my freak out. That coupled with the silence I endured on the remainder of the ride home as Mystery Lady hugged the furthest reach of her seat. We arrived back at the home we were staying in and she wished me a good night (and to this day probably thinks I’m the strangest dude she’s ever met).

The moral of this story: smoking weed makes for some weird stories. I’ve since parted ways with the herb and I’m no advocate, but it just seemed like a great story to tell in honor of this day.

HAPPY 420 everyone!

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